Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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