hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
