Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
