hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think your dad took our porno
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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