we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The adults are the big ones right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
