apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
