i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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