he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh god it's open bar.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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