I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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