its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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