me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize