am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
