i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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