Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
