I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
