She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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