Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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