YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
