ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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