I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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