I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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