Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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