Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
