Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found puke in my bra..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
