My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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