New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
