He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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