woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
