You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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