Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize