I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
