trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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