I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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