im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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