I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
