I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
