Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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