Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
