We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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