I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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