Will you blow on my dice?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
