Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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