he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
