I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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