is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
