is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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