just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
