we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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