Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
