I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
