hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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