I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
