Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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