he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
