Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
