I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
