Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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