I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize