the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
