i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
