i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They have beer where we have blood.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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