I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
