I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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